in for a penny, in for a pound

yeah i know...

don't understand what happened, what came over me.
Sorry.
Feeling better now.

Might as well continue with what i've started, too late now.

Break the glass, it's so fragile, so thin. Just a tiny drop sitting waiting for me at the bottom of the vial.

Sip. Lick the droplet from the splinters.

I'm going to sit down. Take it gently.

I'm feeling the rush just starting.
The rush.. my head is spinning, my hands they stretch in front of me, stretch right out, thinner and thinner my arms, my fingers spread wide, they're...oh.

The pain is there but not there. I can set it to one side. Just place it next to my fags on the shelf.

Goodbye pain. See you in a little while.

Be good while i'm gone.

checkout

There I was, my eyes closed, fighting to stop the ache in my legs, hoping the woman in front would get a bloody move on, keeping my face low to conceal my scars.
Did tell you about my ruined face, the way the skin flows in waxen rivelets?
I hide under a never-cut cutain of yellow hair but if i venture out for life's little essentials then everything is on show, pay yer penny the freak show's in town.
No - the grownups never look my way, wouldn't want to succumb to the temptation to stare.
It's the children that i hate. Their gaze penetrates me. Fascinated they are by me, they drink in the sight of me.

Like the child yesterday.
To her rich bitch mother, i'm invisible, not even a glance to register my existence in her white wine world.
Indulged, perfectly clean, perfectly superior, with private manners and a rich mummy and daddy, this child surveyed me as a diversion and entertainment.